The Private Places

laid up

2009-03-18T00:00:00.001-07:00

1.) In your opinion, what is your biggest character flaw?
i aggress rather than assert myself. i (used) to wait until i got to the boiling point before i addressed the issue which turned into an attack more than an argument (which is more civil than a quarrel).

2.) What do you think is one of the worst television shows ever created?
too many to name. i haven't watched vh1 or mtv in years. and only bet by accident lol

3.) Have you ever ended up injured after trying an interesting new sex position?
yes which is why i stretched before i tried it again lol

4.) How crucial do you think communication is between you and a regular sexual partner? Do you talk often about what works, what doesn't, things you want to try, etc or do you keep the discussions to a minimal and let the physical flow as it may?
converse before, after, during and in tandem with physical flow.

5.) Who are your favorite comedic actors/actresses?
there are a few. eddie murphy before he tried to release a singing album. will smith and jamie foxx especially when there is some partial to full on nekkidness. . . .

6.) In what way(s) do you wish your childhood was different?
i wish i was allowed to be a child.

7.) Cotton Candy; Delicious treat or disgusting mess?
treat with a gallon of water handy. mess if my hands gets sticky and dirty.

blah

2009-03-11T11:41:00.000-07:00

today is one of those blah days for me. i'm not doing what i want with who i want and i lack any interest in putting on airs. for me to be so blah i sure did write a lot in response to these questions huh? lol

1. What makes a person sexy to you?
it's a combination of things. if i'm attracted to him (which extends beyond simply looks) and how he carries himself (the colloquial term being swagga) . i've seen attractive dudes lose all hope of sexiness because they are absolute bumbling jerks. and i know dudes who are stars in my inner thoughts just on swagga alone. (like ti that little short ruffian does things. and anthony hamilton who makes scruffy look good. and mos def who made me wanna do good naughty things in the back of yellow cabs ever since he was a driver in brown sugar)

2. When having the 'number of sex partners' talk with a potential significant other, would you be turned off if they had slept with more than a certain number of people? If yes, what is that number?
i was turned off because someone's number was around their age, but then i realized it only takes one to jack up your whole sexual health. i'm more concerned with sexual health than notches on the headboard. my number is damn near nonexistence in comparison to my compatriots, but that's their number and this is mine. i wouldn't change a thing.

3. Once and for all, pocketbook sized dogs and the people who carry them in pocketbooks. Cute or crazy?
crazy fad. and i'm allergic to long haired dogs apparently. i wasn't allergic to bally, but then again we always sent him out of the room. lmao i remember his head turning and raised eyebrow looking on quizzically. guess he never knew there was more besides doggy style.

4. Do you give up anything for Lent? If so, what?
i always intend to but i never quite follow through for the whole 40 days.

5. If you live with someone, what is the one thing you will never let them see you do?
and what if the person i live with reads this, then he'd know. silly rabbit!

wednesday

2009-03-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

1. What is one thing one of your closest friends does that drives you batshit crazy?
she thinks because something interests/challenges her that that is supposed to interest/challenge me. we're close, but not identical sista.

2. When buying a new sex toy, what are the features you look for that you absolutely have to have?
waterproof and easy to clean.

3. If you woke up the opposite gender for one day, what would be the biggest downside to that for you?
i'd prolly spend time tightening up "the area" and playing with my new toy, so i'd prolly take the day off to enjoy as much of the full gamut of being a dude.

4. Do you use curse words in front of children?
i try not to but my nephew will say something like "don't say ass ladies. ass is not a nice word, so don't say ass okay? or fuck either."

5. If you were zapped with a laser and turned into an animated character, what Disney movie would you hate to play a part in?
binderella or bambi

6. How would you react to your partner answering a phone call or text message during foreplay or intercourse?
if we are already in motion, i'd raise my eyebrow like you better not unless someone is actively on fire. but if we were in cool down mode, i'd take that as an invitation to mess with him. i've done it before, a few times. his cousin took the hint, but he held it together to talk to his mother. i didn't stop though. ain't i a stinka?

7. What are three things you want to try doing but haven't yet? (They can be sexual or non-sexual, doesn't matter.)
vacationing with a guy i'm seeing, jetskiing, and giving birth

untitled

2009-03-03T10:48:00.000-08:00

1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?
yes, the art of fellating.

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?
yes, canine coitus. it breaks the communication of eye contact. but i do enjoy being guided by my waist.

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?
i'm (was) almost always in the mood around the last s/o. the new dude ain't ready to show and prove. he better hope i'm still ready when he's ready or all of his curiosity will be all for nought.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?
the last s/o would just blink at me. he had this goofy grin that would spread across his face and passed his waistband. didn't/doesn't take much with us.

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?
yes, the metal was cold but we coulda warmed it up. i shoulda stuck condoms AND baby wipes in my wristlet.

unsucked

2009-03-02T18:50:00.000-08:00

. . . i wonder if i will cross post this one

this dude is selfish. this dude thinks i'm supposed to break out the bells and whistles to suit his fancy. this dude thinks i'm supposed to perform as prepayment for his performance. dude, you have a job to do that had nothing to do with what i choose to do or not do. dude, my skills aren't contingent upon yours. this dude has met the right one at the wrong time. this dude is two people.

. . . you're so vain. you prolly think this post is about you. you're so vain. . .

i like you but not as much as you like you.

selfish people leach.

leaches dry things up.

things like the alleged attraction. like the alleged curiousity. like the elicit (and illicit) compliments said only because dude thinks that will disarm me. wrong! the set-up is wrong. the initiation is wrong. the motive is wrong. the follow through is wrong. wrong except when it's right.

the sad part is dude had redeeming qualities . . . buried under all the bull he peddles because he thinks that's alluring. i'm a bit of a behaviorist. i note how you're saying what you're saying. just the same, i respond in kind. but leaching ain't my thang.

i'm a sweetheart and i won't let you suck that outta me.

the one where i want him . . . .

2009-02-23T22:34:00.000-08:00

. . . but we have impeccably horrible timing. i dunno if he even reads these anymore. if he does, make it known that he's ready by reciprocating photogenically . . . . (freudian. i meant to say photographically lol)

(eta after answering the questions: these questions are a bit weaker that the usual TMI tuesday. c'mon people. give me a reason to divulge and overshare!!!)

1. What do find is the most exciting part of a new sexual encounter?
the buildup, the expectation, the learning, the fumbling, and the expectation of doing it again . . . in 30 minutes. lol

2. Do you have "a most exciting part of a sexual encounter" with a usual partner?
yea. we used to try to 'one up' each other. he'd talk smack and i'd shut him up or he'd ask me questions at moments when i couldn't formulate a sentence if you paid me. a good time was had by all!

3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met?
as open as the situation requires. i'm usually good about reading people's need to know level. although i have felt the need to tell something that explains the hows and whys of me but we haven't exactly crossed that bridge yet. he might recoil.

4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with?
again, need to know basis. i play certain things close to the vest.

5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent a your child's friend or...)?
damnit how many times are we gonna rephrase the same question. same rules apply.
i only TMI those i know and oh anyone with internet access and time to kill reading blogs lol

Bonus (as in optional): Define a "normal" as in "normal relationship" or "normal sex life".
normal is so subjective and relative. my normal relationship needs to be redefined. my normal sex life needs to be more frequent.

before my bath . . .

2009-02-18T19:19:00.000-08:00

i had a long day that deserves a warm, relaxing bubble bath.

1. What is the most exciting part of a sexual encounter for you?
the shared experience, the communicating with touches and glances and well placed grabs.

2. What is your favorite way to relax after sex?
spooning or laying my head on his chest.

3. Do you find sex with someone you have emotional attachment with to be better than casual fucking with someone you don't have emotional attachment with?
emotional of course. i've only done the casual thing (meaning no desire for a repeat performance) once. not my thing.

4. What was the last really horrible movie you watched? (At home, theater, etc)
over her dead body with eva longoria. it was on while i was sleeping. rather it put me to sleep.

5. What are 3 things someone could do or say during foreplay that would kill the mood for you?
call me by someone else's name, take too long (there is such a thing as overkill) and be selfish

6. Where do you think the best place to buy sexy lingerie is? Why?
my lingerie includes tee shirts ive collected, hipster panties and just plain nekkidness (no preamble needed). so i dont know a real answer

7. Do you think how a person dances gives you a glimpse to how they perform in bed?
not as a rule because you probably won't see me do much more than a 2step when i'm out. i assure you there's a whole helluva lot more than a 2step going on in my bedroom.

8. When was the last time you got served breakfast in bed?
about a month ago?

the big legendaries

2009-02-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

i spent a good chunk of valentine's day throbbing while "arguing" with someone about how much we wanted each other and surrounded by a bunch of people touching and reaching in their pant pockets and bra cups for dirty treasures. and then i went out on a limb with an unrequited text . . . and mms to be more precise.

none of which was on my who-to-do list for this valentine's weekend. i wanted to touch (at some address that wasn't my own) and be touched (at somebody's spa). but one of the best moments of my 3 day weekend was watching shaq give me a new nickname. i shall call them "the big legendaries". the them will take on different meaning and intrigue as i see fit.

i didn't know who i missed more this weekend: the ex, the first or the missed opportunity. . . .

would you believe i waited up for these questions? hi, i'm private and i have a problem. . . .

1. What is your favorite charity? Do you you give your time or just money to that charity?
my church. i give both.

2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on?
queen where ive gotta many bruises. i sleep on the side closest to the door (right) unless i have an overnight guest.

3. How important is a partner's kissing ability?
important enough to make a difference. i don't think it would work out well if we couldn't get the kissing worked out. i'm a kissy face. and it's a given that he should kiss other places well also.

4. Have you ever "taken advantage" of a person under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever been "taken advantage" of while under the influence of alcohol?
i don't drink in excess enough to be taken advantage of. although the one time he brought smirnoff ices (yes i'm kinda a light weight - but i did drink like 3), i decided to investigate the whoopla about this head thing. ive never heard a complaint then or since.

5. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?
not at a beach. but i have pinned and been pinned against walls, beds, cars, speakers, etc. while liplocked in passionate kisses.

Bonus (as in optional): What kind of birth control do you use?
i really shoulda been pregnant a few times already but i guess it really wasn't my time and he wasn't the dude to be tied for all of eternity. i was on the pill and between those hormones and my own active late-twenties womanhood, i got thicker in all the good places. i like the ease of transition pills give you but condoms are always in the bottom drawer.

Nobody Beats the Wiz

2009-02-10T16:46:00.000-08:00

I'm watching Seinfeld and trying to ignore the dull ache for someone I'm not supposed to have . . . He was the Wiz. And nobody beats the Wiz! Which reminds me I need to get more batteries and go back through my rolodex.

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
male toes and toenails. so ignored and undressed. and goodness, if he plays a sport like basketball, his toes prolly don't look like a box a kittens.

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
over. i like when it hangs over. (wink, wink)

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
absolutely. i've emailed out at 4am after i realized rounds 1 and 2 were going to lead to more.

4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age?
not really. although my mother pridefully tells her friends that we matched flacid penises to their erect counterparts in this "know your body"/sex ed book i checked out from the library. when i was about 16 she told me i know entirely too much about sex and stds and protection to bring a baby in this house. her line to me was 'i can't hold my hand over your coochie so you have to make the right decisions for yourself'.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?
knowing when to grab me up by my waist. and there's nothing like a mutual orgasm to put each other to sleep.

Bonus (as in optional):What does sex mean to you?
it means i trust you with the best parts of me (if only momentarily). it means there's something to get me wet beyond just what the eyes can see. it means we have te ability to communicate with our bodies. it means i might wanna keep you around. sex is a door for potentially more. and if it's good, you might have to go on the speed dial!

TMI Tuesday - The Quickie

2009-02-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

No preamble today. . . You should be ready and waiting . . . This is a quickie.

1. When you sleep with someone, how much or how little contact do you like to have?
I'm a cuddlebug. Once the heat subsides, I like to sleep feeling his heartbeat on my back with my heart in his hand. I'm the spooning type.

2. What do you think there is a appropriate amount of time for a divorce parent to date before introducing the kids to the "new" "special" person in their life?
I don't think you can circle a date on the calendar for that. I think the parent should make that call based on the level of commitment he/she has with her significant other and the age and maturity level of the child(ren). I'm not with that whole this is Uncle Bubba thing that some people do. Ain't that many Uncles in the world. I'm not a parent yet, but if I were, I wouldn't have a revolving door of dudes around my children.

3. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed... romance, experimentation or foreplay?
I guess I'll say experimentation although "in bed" is a criteria of the question. Romance and foreplay can (and should) take place outside of the bedroom. A bed is a minor detail that may be overlooked. And I have a couple of places and things I wanna cross off my list . . . .

4. What do you thinks makes a kiss great?
The feelings shared between us. Nothing worst than a passionless kiss.

5. Describe your sex life in two words.
Recently ended (sigh)

Bonus (as in optional): Do you remember a time when you were having sex that you smile or even laugh about now? Do tell....
Lmao. I had surgery on a Wednesday. That Friday, my ex came by to help me. . . . and after I helped myself, I took a nap (put myself to sleep). When he called to check on me later that day, he tossed around words like amazing and outstanding. Look, ma! No hands! lmao

Movies Anyone?

2009-01-27T11:36:00.000-08:00

I was just having this conversation about fun at the movies a few weeks ago . . . Even came up in convo with my mother! Lmao

1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
Not Easily Broken. Kept thinking how much Morris Chestnut reminds me of my first.

2. What is your favorite movie theater snack?
Butterfinger Bites (or Sour Patch Kids) and a Pepsi.

3. Have you ever snuck in 'outside' food into a theater?
Sure did. Had Subways when I went Saturday. Little boy tried to tell me I had to finish my soda before I went in. Hell, I have panties older than him! So you know I was sipping all through the movie.

4. Have you ever made out in a theater?
Absolutely. To this day, I haven't seen The Rock with Sean Connery or anything beyond the opening scene of The. Peacemaker with George Clooney.

5. What is the 'farthest' you have gone in a theater?
He disappeared under my shirt for a while and our hands disappeared beneath each other's waistbands.

Bonus (as in optional): What is one of your favorite movie sex scene?

Unfaithful has a few good ones. Blown Away (a Showtime 3am special) has helped me sleep quite a few nights back in the day. There is this scene in Ali but that's just because Nona Gaye is my non-lesbian lesbian crush if there's such a thing. Lol. Oh and the shower scene of I Robot is reshot as me and Will's nipples and not just Will when I show that movie. Lmao

I think I need a Netflicks account!

The Point of It All?

2009-01-21T17:42:00.000-08:00

1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
Nope. I've kept someone around because we had great sex though. Mismatched maturity/mentality with complimentary/complementary sexual compatibility.

2. What is your type?
Taller than me (6'2+ preferred). "Climbable" is a word I like to use. Chocolate. Nice smile. Ability to make me smile and laugh. Able to pull off a suit and tie. Employed. Heterosexual. Not married/involved. Eyelashes. All the things I can ascertain from a first (or third) glance. lol

3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?
I've banned myself from playing Truth or Dare. If I do play, I stick to Truths and let the dares happen to me . . . like the time I had to keep a straight face while my ex (at the time) licked an ice cube all over my back until it melted in a room full of his teammates and my fellow cheerleaders. I couldn't. And I'm glad he had his mother's car that night.

4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?
Nope. Pinkie doesn't have a last name.

5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?
Yep. I've masturbated with him.

The Basics

2009-01-12T19:58:00.000-08:00

1. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?
7ish. Only because it's intermittent.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?
Kiss back! Mama didn't raise no fool! And see how many items of clothing we can get off without breaking the bond.

3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?
My first wrote "take me, I'm yours" in a Valentine's Day card. So I did. That night. (Hey, I was young). lol Since then? . . .

4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?
on top of a trunk box in a van in a dark parking lot in the winter.

5. How do you liked to be kissed?
Often.

Bonus (as in optional):Most embarrassing sexual moment?
I once got up to change the cd because it stopped. And I wanted to stop.

I Shall Call It Mini Me

2009-01-07T19:35:00.000-08:00

1. Why do you keep a blog?
i talk to myself 'cause there is no one to talk to. people ask me why, why i do what i do!

2. Who is one long lost blogger you wish would come back?
ain't been here long enough to miss anybody for real. my sister hasn't posted in over 2 months though. only one on my blog roll that doesn't rotate lol

3. If you made a New Year's Resolution, did you break it already? If you did not make one, why?
nope. i said i wasn't gonna hold my tongue. and i haven't. i speak my mind. don't like my peaches, then don't shake my tree!!!

4. People who still have their outside Christmas lights up. Festive or Lazy? Discuss.
they have until MLK Day to take them down. They get a ticket for turning them on after the 1st (grace period given until the saturday after the new year). after january 31, there's a ticket and a penalty. by valentine's day, you are fined heavily and your picture will be posted as a repeat offender in a 5 mile radius of you home. lmao

5. What is the last annoying song that got trapped in your head?
nothing lately. got too many thoughts running through my head and my heart.
*ETA: Take that back. I hear Ring My Bells now. Ringalingaling!

6. Have you ever worn or tried edible underwear? What are your thoughts on it?
never tried. i don't need edible underwear to intice someone to pull up for a meal. (wow talk about uncensored)

Bonus: If you could do one bad thing and get away with it, what would you do and why?
i have. so i can't tell you that. then i wouldn't have gotten away with it right? hehehe
the other thing involves a tall dude, some foreplay and the public. but they can't consume. only the tall dude : )

I'd Rather . . .

2009-01-06T20:59:00.000-08:00

I thought some time alone
Was what we really needed . . .

I forgot I loved this Lutha song. But anyway, here are the TMI Tuesday questions. I'm too tired for a real preamble.

'Would you rather...' edition

1. Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you dislike/don't get along with?
someone i dislike. gotta get to the bottom of why we don't get along. either we will work it out or i'll just igg them. lol

2. Would you rather accidentally walk in on your parents having sex or have them walk in on you?
my mother might wanna share her stories . . . and my memory is too good. don't need that sight emblazoned forever.

3. Would you rather be snapped by paparazzi during a nipple slip or while exiting a car with out any underwear?(guys, consider similar circumstances)
ummmm there is no such thing as "nipple slip" in my world. the girls like to announce themselves everytime the wind blows. 2 words: bottle caps.

4. Would you rather not have sex for two years or not be able to use the Internet for two years?
internet. that's a no-brainer.

5. Would you rather find true love or 1 million dollars?
love. another no-brainer. money doesn't love you back.

Bonus (as in optional): If you had to choose *one* sexual position for the rest of your life, what would it be? Why?
sit back and enjoy the ride. i'll drive! bc i'll take us where we both wanna go and if i get lost, i'm sure we will both enjoy the scenic route!

Wanna Ride?

2009-01-02T16:54:00.000-08:00

so day 2 of 09, i wrote a poem. seriously? i decidedly havent written a poem in a while. so i have no idea where this came from. im so open right now. hold me! lmao ack!

Wanna Ride?

My heart is a rollercoaster
Wanna ride?
Gentle promises envelop us with syncopated rhythms
Drumming our ears as we reach the max
An apex beyond the last

Wanna ride?
Jarring turns, paths untold unfold before us
Pressured momentum pushes us to the point
Where feet fledge on the edge of fight or flight
White-knuckled hands hold us together
Bearing the weight to support
No wait for support
Degrees of descent complete
The bar has been raised
Nothing lower than this

Wanna ride?
So much more in store
Each step impacted by the moment before
Storied memories between laughs
And promises to ride with you again. . .

With you, I’m me. Out loud.

All is fair in love.
Wanna ride?

The Countdown

2009-01-02T13:24:00.000-08:00

i decided to drop a prospective meme here since i did a retrospective one on the other. besides this meme needs room to breathe. . . .

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people:
- you made the right decision for all the wrong reasons.
- i think they were right; you are jealous of me.
- i think they were right; i was jealous of what you tricked me into believing you had with her.
- if i told you the hows and whys that might be too much. enough to change the landscape of who i am, and therefore who we are.
- i hate that i have to share a family tree with you considering how much you effed up my childhood.
- you don't have to sit on every erect man you encounter.
- i love you more than you know.
- i'm sorry that ring didn't make you happy.
- i was faking.
- i don't respect her game. dunno why you picked that hoodrat. suffer through that decision.

9 things about yourself:
- my feet are usually the coldest things on my body
- i have premonitions and deja vus. scares the mess outta me sometimes.
- i have to work through some sexual hangups.
- i've been using my full name since the 4th grade.
- my parents got married 15 months after i was born.
- i'm more afraid of myself than i let on.
- i am a mushy, emotional, cornball
- i am determined to have the first healthy marriage in my family. very doable since i'm foolish enough to break the cycle.
- i can detach myself from my body and go into functional shock mode. a dangerously handy trick i picked up during my childhood.

8 ways to win your heart:
- be genuine.
- show me your heart when i show you mine.
- make me smile when tears drown my heart.
- be silly.
- show me you're capable of love
- see ME beyond the curves and the 5 letter bra size
- lead me. support me. inspire me. motivate me. improve with me.
- know when a situation calls for a fight, a hug, a tough, space or a prayer. and do all 5.

7 things that cross your mind often:
- okay, now what?
- who is gonna have my chocolately baby girl for me?
- where's the damn reciprocity?!?!
- why are you so afraid of succeeding?
- am I fired yet?
- what is your purpose in my life (now)?
- is there something wrong with me?
(as you can see, they are all questions with answers that change like the wind)

6 things you do before you go to sleep:
- check my blog roll.
- wrap my hair.
- set the sleep timer on the tv
- play a game on my BB
- decide who/what i want to focus on before i go to bed (gotta steer my dreams sometimes. wink, wink)
- read the latest overheard in new york posts

5 people you couldn't live without:
- my mother
- my sister
- my church fam (closer than my real family in many ways)
- (damn how sad is it that im stuck here?) my father's mother (and her quite strength, resilience and faith in God)
- ummmm . . . the voices in my head. does that count if i name them and/or attribute them to real people?

4 things you're wearing right now:
- headscarf
- tee shirt
- shorts
- ummmm . . . a smile (i was reaching with the scarf lol)

3 songs that fit your life perfectly:
(changes depending on what's on the ipod)
- someone - musiq
- her heart - anthony hamilton
- butterflies - raheem devaughn

2 things you want to do before you die:
- be a mommy (and all the love, joy and beauty that brings)
- be a grandmommy (and all the legacy of love, joy and beauty that continues)

1 confession:
- i would have . . . still would

De-Flowering Myself

2009-01-01T16:31:00.000-08:00

As you can see, I have another blog. It's getting muddled with TMI and other post for private eyes. This is the closeted blog where I can let my hair down (or trim it into a star) or just be less censored.

Welcome to my adult, unadulterated thoughts . . . Might be a bumpy start but I promise to make sure you get yours!

2008-12-30T19:57:00.000-08:00

Let's see how coherent these answers will be . . .

1.) Have you ever stolen anything from a relatives house?
Yes, but not since I was 12 or so.

2.) If you had to changed lives with a friend from your real life for a day, which would you choose and why?
My sister. She's amazing and ambitious and resilient and brilliant and strong and loving and she maturing into her better self every day.

3.) Name at least one place where you would never have sex.
Well the one place I thought I never would, I came pretty damn close so . . .

4.) If you could change one personality trait in you significant other, what would you change and why?
I have no current SO. The previous one, I would encourage him to accept the love and support of others rather than shut down or "turtle up". Note I said encourage. I wouldn't want him to change FOR me, that's a superficial, hollow change. I want him to change for the better because that's what he wants for himself. (and none of this is any different than what I've been telling him for years)

5.) How important is the mood and setting to you when it comes to sex? (Do you need certain things to set the mood to really enjoy it, etc)
I don't need certain things. I just want the shared appreciation of the moment (or momentS, hint, hint) and mutual desire to please the other. If I know you're gonna please me, I have no problem relinquishing "selfish control" to please you.

6.) Which is worse, bad sex or no sex? Why?
Bad sex. Something is lacking/missing - communication, mutual respect, intimacy, desire, prowess. No sex allows for room for other things to take place - communication, mutual respect, intimacy . . .

7.) On a scale of 0 to 10, how much of a compulsive spender would you say you are?
6. My compulsive spending is consummed not splurged on the trivial. I tend eat my money, more than indulge in the tangible trinkets most compulsively purchase.

8.) Have you ever left a restaurant without paying the bill? Why?
Yep. Peer pressure. LMAO and they took entirely too long to come get the bill (over 30 minutes for a party of 2). It's a wonder we got away since we giggled the entire way to the car.

Last TMI of 2008

2008-12-30T18:41:00.000-08:00

I have a love-hate relationship with these TMI Tuesday questions. I get to know what other's are thinking and secretly file in the information away for future use (wink, wink). And I get to think about things long since forgotten or yet unimagined. But the "hate" comes in because I'm not too sure how far my url has entered circulation. I would hate to get called into the office because of something I posted. Not that I'm ashamed; I just believe not everybody needs to know every detail about everything. I try to preserve a modicum of dignity and innocence.

But what I am proud to say is, these questions and the few archived ones I pulled out, helped me talk to my younger cousins about the TMIs of life without me coming across as preachy or over the head of one or giving the other too much ammunition to duplicate my dirt. It was another night of laughes and OMGs and surprise and thought and sharing. Things we shared tonight may affect our lives for the positive. I learned from them; they learned for me. For that I am grateful.

1. Last week was "The Most Wonderful time of the Year", but what are your favorite 2008 memories?

Hearing my nephew say my name and hold a conversation with me. He's shy and only speaks around those he's comfortable with. And he's so affectionate. He and his older brother have saved me from myself many days/nights/weeks in 2008. Oh and their mother is no slouch in the showing me love department.

All the laughs I shared.

The secret moment in time where I smiled bigger, laughed more heartily, when I went to sleep smiling, dreamt smiling and woke up smiling - and only he and I knew why.

Getting a raise at work when merit increases were "frozen".

There are more. And I'm grateful for them all.

2. What is the best thing you learned in 2008?

That I'm worth defending. I stopped letting people say just anything to me. I stopped letting people dump on me. And I did me FOR me. I learned to let my own voice be heard. And I'm not shutting up in 09, so deal! lol

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2008?

4. What is your wish for 2009? What is your wish for someone else for 2009?

I hope and pray that I experience all that 09 has to offer. I hope that my fears don't deter me from the successes that bear my name. I hope that I have the wisdom to relentlessly build and support myself and others and the strength to demolish and destroy even when necessary. I hope health permeates every aspect of my life: spirit, soul, body, finances, friendships, relationships, dreams, hopes, etc.

For everyone else, "Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. " - 3 John 1:2

5. Where was the first place you ever passionately kissed?

His house. Or my house. I don't remember. I do remember the way my heart swelled every time we touched. The place was irrelevant, as long as we were together.

Bonus (as in optional):Do you make New Year's resolutions? What is/are your's for 2009?

I don't make resolutions. I set goals and plan steps to achieve them. And sometimes when the calendar turns to February, I still remember what they are lol

TMI Tuesday

2008-12-16T19:08:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't been feeling up to it. My body is telling me I'm doing way too much way too soon. I went back to work yesterday. Don't think that I should have, but seeing how my bills are due and I was going stir crazy in the house alone/lonely, I went back to work. My shoulder was burning and achy and throbbing at the incision sites, which just means it's healing. This particular pain has an end date so I can deal with it. In true TMI fashion, I should include a picture of the shoulder, but I can't do that without the inadvertant boob shot. lol

Other than that, I've been an emotional timebomb. Stress, holidays, hormones, huglessness, all that. I need help. I don't often say that. But I'm having a tough time and I need your support. Bottomline: I need to be touched. No, no. Not there. Still too sensitive there. (hehehe TMI!)

1. What is the greatest age difference between between and a SO? Older or younger?
2 years older. I've never dated anyone not born the Spring of 1978. Apparently, it was a good year for many.

2. What is the greatest age difference between between and any sexual partner? Older or younger?
This is a different answer. lol. About a decade up. And that's all I'm gonna say about that! (unless you ask, I might give one detail.)

3. Have you started your holiday shopping? Is it done?
Selfishly, I've had my Christmas gift from me and my family (we do one "big" gift from the whole family) since Black Friday. Dunno what I'm getting my mother yet (I got her Mother's Day 09 gift already so that should buy me some leeway.) And my nephews will get there gifts between Christmas and their birthdays. The rest of you can unwrap my love everyday!

4. What are the chances there will be a "naughty" present under the tree this year (either from you or for you)?
There is no tree. And probably no gifts to be unwrapped. I prefer my naughiness in its raw form. No bows necessary. Oh, and should I give a naughty, the bow might be the only thing to take off. . . . I'm so fresh! [pops my own hand]

5. What is your favorite holiday song?
This Christmas - Donny Hathaway. The Temptation's Silent Night ALWAYS makes me laugh and smile because I remember the year my mother and aunts sang it in the kitchen. She (attempted to) sang the falsetto AND the baritone verse. We have since banned her from singing and making macaroni and cheese.

Bonus (as in optional):Do you have a preferred time of day to have sex? If so, why?
I don't have a preferred time. But I'm a night owl, so I do my best work under the cloak of darkness.

All About Cheating

2008-12-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

Wonders how come this week's Wednesday Weirdness feels like a TMI Tuesday? And I always feel like somebody's watching me . . . can't get no privacy . . . nooooo oooh oooh . . .

1. If you knew one of your close friends was cheating on their significant other, would you get involved? (EX: Tell their SO, try to talk to your friend about it, etc) Why or why not?
I might voice my thoughts to him/her, but that would be the extent of my involvement. I don't sit on the board of directors in their life, like they don't sit on the board of directors in mine.

2. If your SO was cheating on you and one of your close friends knew, would you want them to tell you? Why or why not?
Better come with come concrete, irrefutable evidence. And even then I'd need to see it for myself. But if their motives are pure and evidence is true, then tell me.

3. Have you ever stuffed your bra or underwear to make the size of your breasts or penis seem larger?
Quite the contrary. I need ace bandages to hold down this 5 letter bra size!

4. Would you sleep with a friend's significant other behind their back if it were guaranteed you'd never be caught?
No. That would ruin 2 relationships. Not worth it.

5. Do you think you are more intelligent than your significant other?
I think my intellectual strengths lie in different areas than his did. We are both smart in our own rights.

6. Do you ever fantasize about cheating on your significant other? Are you ever tempted to really go through with it?
No current SO. But when I had one (and generally speaking), I'm faithful to hilt. As Rihanna said, I loved (was faithful) beyond a reason why.

7. Have you ever had cyber sex, text sex or phone sex with someone other than your significant other during a relationship?
Nope.

8. Would you cheat on your significant other twice monthly for half a year to have all your debt permanently erased?
Surprisingly, I half entertained the thought. Probably wouldn't though. I don't want to be indebted to someone in that way. I can't say I'd trade my body for my soul, if you get what I mean. A yes would probably haunt me. And I got enough shadows.

BONUS! Have you ever fantasized about having sex with any blogger friends? Would you be daring enough to reveal five of them?
I don't have 5 blogger friends. Or 5 dudes in general I'd have sex with lol. Those that I'm attracted to know that I'm attracted to them. What happens next remains to be seen.

TMI for Turkey Day

2008-11-25T08:06:00.000-08:00

1. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?
My aunt's yellow turnips. She only makes them for Thanksgiving. Otherwise, I'd say my grandmother's dressing sans gizzards (yuck!) but sometimes we are lucky enough to get some around October.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
T-Pain. No question about it. Zapp & Roger would put my grandkids through college with that request.

3. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Call up a friend and invite him/her to dinner. My treat.

4. What is your favorite curse word?
Phrasal. WTF. With the voice-inflection.

5. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
Wow. Selfishly I'd go back to the point where I was too afraid to actually have the relationship I wanted. And then choose the relationship over the apprehension.

Bonus (as in optional): You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
Shape-shifter. That way I can adapt to any situation and still be true to myself. Or invincibility like when you get the star on Super Mario Brothers. I could use some invincibility in my life.

Wednesday . . .

2008-11-19T17:57:00.001-08:00

My pillows are in! Woohoo! Soft place to lay my head, drugs, only missing 2 things to make this day the best.

Yea I'm weird but that's what Wednesdays are for!

1.) Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Nope. I can be nekkid for free!

2.) Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Night owl typically, but I can do the morning thing when necessary.

3.) Do you take any kind of medication daily or regularly? If so, what?
Yep. Thanks NYC taxi who hit me in the ass a year ago!

4.) Do you ever have naughty thoughts about any of your friends significant others?
Yes completely subconsciously in my sleep. I was freaked out!

5.) What are your favorite comfort foods?
Warm, half baked chocolate chip cookies, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Pepsi, shrimp, pasta . . .

6.) Would you rather direct a porn or star in one?
Neither. My child might wanna be president one day.

7.) Have you ever seen a "donkey show"? Would you ever be interested in seeing one?
Nope. Sounds like a bucket of throw up and animal ish. No thanks.

8.) On a scale of 1 to 10, how gullible of a person would you say you are?
2. I wouldn't call it gullible. I trust you didn't lie until I find out otherwise.

A (Mild) TMI Tuesday

2008-11-17T20:35:00.001-08:00

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?
In a movie theater when I saw The Secret Life of Bees

2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
Solo, 10. With people I love seeing me, 8. With new people seeing me, 4.

3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?
Definitely a year, maybe 2. I lost track.

4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager?
I would have to answer no to the intercourse.

5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?
Almost every day Pepsi is my upper. Chocolate is my anti-depressant.

Bonus:
Name three words that:
a) get you excited - I want you
b) make you squirm - I want you
c) make you laugh - I want you (lmao)

Wanted: Firm. Warm. Perfect fit.

2008-11-11T21:00:00.001-08:00

Concave. Release and relief. On the bed. On the floor. In the car. While traveling. Know what I want? A pillow silly. An ergonomic concave pillow. TMI Tuesday was yesterday silly. Seriously. I need this pillow. I've seen in a hundred times when I wasn't looking. Now that I want it, he . . . I mean the pillow is unavailable. My flattened pillows just don't fold and bend and support and bring restful relief the way it used to. Must. Get. Pillow. Today.

1.) When was your last visit to an emergency room? What happened?
For me, November 2nd, 2007. Examination following the car accident. For my 77 year old grandmother who decided to stand on a bed to hang curtains for Christmas last year. She fell and had a pretty nasty gash under her eye. I thought she might've fractured her cheekbone. Just had a nasty black eye for Christmas.

2.) Who do you look more like: Mom, dad or another relative?
My mother! Sometimes I walk by a mirror and I SWEAR the reflection is hers.

3.) What sounds annoy you?
A sleepy, whiny child. I have a high tolerance and I don't take my frustrations out on the child, but I'm like enough already. just go to sleep! And vacuuming. Just noise for no reason.

4.) What are three movies could you (or have you) watch(ed) over and over and still love?
The same ones prolly I will watch during my post-op hiatus: Love & Basketball, RAW, Brown Sugar (need dvd), Best Man (need dvd) Oops. That was 4.

5.) Do you ever wish you were someone else?
Nope just a better me. The grass may seem greener, but their water bill is definitely higher.

6.) What do you think of when you think of Paris?
I hear the Parisans are rude and the weather can suck at times, but I'd like to go to develop my own opinions.

7.) What' s the last sporting event you watched?
Can't say. Football has been on but I've been bloggin or emailing or doing other things that drew my attention away from the game.

8.) What do you think about sexual Role Playing?
Who I am is enough to work with on its own . . . so I've heard. w

TMI Tuesday

2008-11-10T20:03:00.001-08:00

1. Ever been skinny dipping?
Nope. My nekkidness isn't for public consumption.

2. How often do you kiss or make out without it simply being a foreplay activity?
Not often enough. I'm a kissyface. I kiss hello, goodbye, on commercials, because you blinked, because I smiled, just because.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how content are you with your life? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest) Do you think 'content' and 'happy' the same thing?
I am 7-8 on the contentment scale. And content and happy are NOT the same thing. Things/people make you happy. You embrace contentment. Subtle but powerful distinction. Contentment is realizing that not everything is good but things will work out for your good.

4. What do you do to relieve stress?
Depends. Vent, think, blog, talk, hug, cry, cuss, envelope myself in music. Sex works but is a complicated, short lived route. Eat and sleep. Ask for support. And then address what what stressing me out.

5. What was the special trait in your first lover that made you decide that they were "the one?"
We could talk about everything. We understood each other and he valued me for me. He was genuine. Never pressured. And no matter which of the 3 outcomes we got, I knew he'd support us by supporting me. I was right. He was the best man for the job. Although the position has since been refined. lol

Bonus: How old were you when you first had sex? (positive experiences here...)
2 months shy of my 18th birthday. Valentine's weekend.

Wednesday - Why not?

2008-10-28T21:01:00.001-07:00

Kind of a hodgepodge set of questions from Wednesday Weirdness (look to your right) but I'm a hodgepodge kinda gal.

1.) As an adult, do you do anything for Halloween or is it just another day?
Nope. I usually just buy candy for the harvestfest we have for the kids.

2.) Do you ever dress up for Halloween? What will be your costume this year?
Yes I did. As a child I was whatever costume my mother could fashion out of a leotard and a pair of tights. One year I was a black cat. Next I was a pink bunny. This year, I tried to get a unitard and butterfly wings but . . . . Dunno. I might be naughty; I might be nice. Oh wait, that's Christmas.

3.) Have you started Christmas shopping yet? When do you usually begin?
I don't officially "start" or "stop" shopping. If I see something a person would like and I can afford it, I pick it up. Otherwise, me and my crew just spend some quality time together laughing. Love is the best gift to give (and receive!).

4.) Do you look people in the eye when talking? Does it bother you when people don't make eye contact during conversation?
Depends. Sometimes eye contact is too telling. What I think usually ends up on my face. I might be evading for a few reasons. I know when eye contact is a crucial. I wouldn't say it bothers me but have the decency to look me in the eye when I'm cussing you out! lol

5.) What excuse do you usually use when you want to take a day off work for no real reason?
No excuse usually. I just email out. Or I might email that I'm coming in late. Last time I did that it was because I felt a migraine coming on. Did you know orgasms help ease migraine pain? I read that somewhere. . .

6.) How often, on average, do you find yourself thinking about sex per day?
Lol depends on the day and where it falls on the calendar and who texted/emailed me last. Been "good" lately . . .

7.) What company makes your favorite brand of shoes? What makes them your favorite?
Most of my boxes say Nine West. Price has made many things my favorite lately.

8.) Do you ever save alcohol bottles once they are empty?
No. The point would be why?

9.) Do you enjoy musicals?
Sure why not. I break out in song in every day life. Why should song be relegated to musicals?

TMI Tuesday - Firsts

2008-10-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

First names and approximate age is fine too many of you aren't anonymous and too many of you wish to stay anonymous.

1. Who and when was your first crush?
Good one. Not sure. Real crush? Hysiem. Older boy during the Jersey years, maybe 89. He might have been 12.

2. Who and when was your first date?
Double date. Me, SBW, Mo F. and Stewie. 96.

3. Who and when was your first kiss?
Oh hell. That I remember and count? Hassan. 91-92. 6th grade.

4. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in car?
SBW. His Mom's Accord. 96.

5. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in a house?
SBW. His house. 96 was a great and busy year

6. Who and when was your first love?
Wow. These questions are all about my first first lmao. First love in 96. First first in 98.

Bonus: Who's blog did you first comment on?
Finally. A new answer. Organized Noise. : p

TMI Tuesday

2008-10-21T16:42:00.000-07:00

Looks like I'll be having some gook vacuumed out of my shoulder soon . . . Oh joy!

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience?
Given my personal history, that would be a yes. But not lately, quite unashamedly!

2. Did you ever own a fake ID?
No but I had a fake crayon colored surface transit pass in an ID case. Does that count?

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking?
Less often. I always think my lies out at least 3 steps lol

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism?
Depending on venue and who's delivering and the intent, maybe an 8. But generally, if you are gunning for me, I blaze back.

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair?
Absolutely. Trimmed and groomed regularly.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?
Dunno about percentages and stuff but I think both sexes fabricate their "capability" in that area. We all think we can handle it . . . until the feelings spring up. I think it's about 51/49 women overestimate.

The Piggy Bank

2008-10-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so.

One day they came up with an idea--each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank. They followed that procedure for about a year. When they decided that there was enough money for their dream vacation, they broke the piggy bank.

The husband looked at their savings and said: "Isn't it strange? Each time we had sex, I put $20 into the piggy. But I see tons of $50 bills and a few $100 bills."

The wife replied, "Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?"

I Smiled Today. . .

2008-10-07T19:12:00.000-07:00

Somehow I lost a day last night. I went to sleep on a Monday night and woke up feeling like a Wednesday. I'm sure it's going to manifest itself as a deja vu later in life . . .

Admission: I want you to spoil me. Not for the selfish reasons you may be thinking. But because I want us to get close enough to build trust. . . and not be afraid of that.

In unrelated news . . .

1.) Do you think you're approachable?
Yes but lately I haven't had much evidence to prove that fact.

2.) Out of the two, would you rather be able to predict things before they happened or be able to read minds whenever you wanted to? Why?
Predict. I tend to attempt to anticipate what's going to happen so I can prepare myself. And I have strong premonitions and clairvoyancy at times. Prediction is akin to that.

3.) Have you ever kissed, fooled around or slept with an ex significant other AFTER you were already broken up?
You been stalking me lately? The answer is yes. And I never regretted any of the times it happened. Lesson learned.

4.) Do you believe dreams are your imagination running wild as you sleep, your subconscious showing you what's really on your mind or something else entirely?
Have you MET me? All three. Could be something I ate, something said that I stored subconsciously, something I'm afraid of that manifested itself in my dreamworld, something I needed to see in another way, a warning, any combination of things. I'm Joseph the dreamer.

5.) How often do you use cuss words? Does your use of cuss words vary on your moods or situations?
Less often recently. And I've substituted letters and sounds for the cusses. Little ears and mixed company. Depends on who I'm talking to and what I'm talking about. Some words are ineffective synonyms. Ish is stronger than stuff. You get on my effin' nerves, etc.

6.) Do you ever purposely lead people on so you can get what you want?
No. If I'm doing anything that resembles "leading you on", we are both going to get what we want. I don't have time for the games. You lead, I follow.

7.) When was the last time you did something you told yourself you wouldn't do? What was it?
Earlier today. It was harmless on my end. But he may have read more into it. Just conversation. No more, no less.

8.) If you could meet one musician who is no longer alive, who would it be?
Luther.

TMI Tuesday - The 7 Virtues

2008-10-07T07:35:00.000-07:00

These questions are not as easy as I anticipated. But very thought provoking and insightful. I'm interested in what yall have to say so. You can do it too! lol TMI Tuesday #155

1. Prudence: When do you feel it is most important to exercise prudence? When is it acceptable to throw practicality out the window?
When lack of prudence will bring about heightened scrutiny, judgment, shame, embarrassment, etc. Basically, when your decisions screw you and those around you. I'm not going to be the reason why my daughter can't be president, because of something floating on the internet 10 years before she was born. Prudence is simply caring about what happens before it happens.

2. Justice: Is a sense of justice really a virtue, or is only a tool that allows us to pass judgment on others without feeling guilty? What do you feel is the greatest injustice facing the world today?
Depends on the swing of the pendulum. There are instances where we can exact justice (where there is clear, almost universal agreement of wrongdoing). But ultimately we all have to pass that way at some point and we should remember that when we raise that gavel to sentence another for something we deem improper, immoral, orunforgiveable. Someone may think the same way about how we govern ourselves. And justice is NOT revenge, retribution, etc.

3. Temperance: All things in moderation. Should we allow ourselves a few excesses? How well do you restrain yourself when faced with your deepest desires?
Yes. I allow myself a few excesses . . . thus the size of my wardrobe. Depends on whether it will be worth it in the end. Sometimes, I restrain myself well by pushing away from the table; other times, my fingers just dial numbers out of habit. . .

4. Courage/Fortitude: How well do you confront fear and uncertainty, or intimidation? Does facing the little things make you as brave as facing the big things?
I don't confront fear and uncertainty well; MUCH better than I used to but I wouldn't use the word well. I pick my battles. But I realize I'm also that type of person that won't lift my foot to take a step unless I know where that next step is or I can step back where I once was.
The little things help me to conquer the bigger ones because then I have history with overcoming and exercising fortitude. Although I may be timid and dodge the challenge at first, eventually I will get tired of running and face it head on because clearly the flight aspect didn't work.

5. Faith: Is it important to have faith? How steadfast are you in your core beliefs? Do your core beliefs equate to faith in something?
For me, it's vitally important. If I didn't have faith, I would have succumbed a long time ago. And then again. And again. And just recently. Faith is the only thing that has kept me afloat. God puts strength around me to hold on to during times of storm. That strength may come from within me or He places people of strength around me so that I can draw from their strength. Sometimes they are strong enough to pull me up and slap the mess outta me and say ENOUGH ALREADY. If I didn't have beliefs and faith, I wouldn't have been around long enough to let that happen. And faith has made me cowardly humble enough to realize I can't end what I didn't start.
My strongest core belief is: I believe who I am resides in who He is. And He is real to me. If I am to believe that I am His child, I have to believe I got some of His traits. I have my non-negotiable personal beliefs and some things fall into a more gray, situation by situation evaluation process. My personal beliefs grow stronger as I realize what I won't allow. My beliefs has allowed me to see that there is more. God in His Infinite wisdow has created a greater purpose and chose me, as wretched and unworthy as I am, to do a work in this corner of His vineyard.

6. Hope: Does having hope for the future help you deal with the present? How good are you at finding the good in the bad? What is the thing you hope for most?
I touched on that in the Faith question. Yes it does. Hoping is expecting. I expect things to be better so I will make it happen or wait for it to come my way.
I'm better at finding the good in the bad when it's not me. I'm the silver lining girl. But when it's me, I've been more intimately acquainted with the bad. I tend to screen the good through the bad. I'm working on just seeing the good.
What I hope for most is to be come the ME I'm destined to be and being okay with that. I hope to be the best wife, mother, friend, sister, teacher, lover, confidante, support, visionary, missionary . . .

7. Love/Charity: How easy is it for you to give selfless, unconditional, and voluntary loving-kindness? How easy is it for you to receive selfless, unconditional, and voluntary loving-kindness?
I give better than I get. I've been tempering that selfless and unconditional love because it was becoming self-damaging and conditional. I loved so I expected blank (conditional) and because I loved they expected blank. It's harder for me to do the latter.
It's hard for me to accept that kind of love too. Sometimes, I'm waiting for the last shoe to drop or I'm walking on eggshells because if I enjoy it too much or acknowledge it, it will disappear. I'm learning not every hug isn't attached to a hand with a dagger in it. And I'm learning that I deserve that kinda selfless, unconditional love. That's big.

Because It's Wednesday

2008-10-01T08:17:00.001-07:00

Just killing time at work while I pull this report . . .

1.) Have you ever purchased an item of clothing and intentionally worn it with tags on it so that you could return it the next day?
No but I have purchased something and decided I rather have the money. Buyer's remorse.

2.) Would you rather be late to the party, or the first person to arrive? Why?
Late to the party. I have a thing about being the first person to arrive. I'll explain more later.

3.) When do you usually begin your Christmas shopping?
Christmas shopping? Ha! I don't buy a lot of gifts you can unwrap for Christmas. No need to shop for my love! lmao

4.) What three cancelled tv shows do you wish they’d bring back?
Cosby Show the Next Generation (I just wanna look at Theo as an adult man! lol), Living Single, Will & Grace

5.) What do you have in your vehicle's glove compartment?
Windex wipes, baby wipes, sticky link remover thingy, Breeze's owner's manual, dead flashlight, batteries, deodorant, feminine products, caps for my tires, screwdriver/light combo deal branded from my mother's job, and strawberry air freshener tree.

6.) Have you ever donated blood?
Absolutely. I've saved 15 lives to date. Each pint saves 5 lives.

7.) Have you ever kissed or dated someone else's significant other? What happened?
Yep. Not my favorite thing to do. Nothing. Life goes on.

8.) Have you ever mistaken one product for another while in the bathroom and didn't notice until after you used it? (EXAMPLE: Washing your hair with liquid body soap, slathering hand soap on your legs instead of lotion after a shower, et cetera)
I'm sure I have but nothing is coming to mind. ..

9.) Would you/Have you ever dated someone who had a criminal record?
I think I have. A minor arrest for something non-violent yet stupid like malicious destruction of property. It's not one of my non-negotiables but I'm not exactly LOOKING for that particular trait either.

TMI Tuesday

2008-09-30T19:32:00.001-07:00

1. What do you feel is the difference between sexy and erotic?
Presentation and audience. It's like the difference between a lady and a woman.

2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?
I believe both are true. However, I hope me and my right person find each other so we can have more than blissful cohabitation (more like fidelity and forever) rather than bliss. Bliss sounds too much like blind, fleeting, childish happiness. I want my fidelity and forever.

3. Do you need to hear "I love you" or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?
Absolutely. Words of affirmation all day every day. And I give as good as I get.

4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?
Hurt. Not that "you forgot to call me hurt" that hurt to the very core of my being hurt. That need a couch hurt. That I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy hurt. That's the hurt I have difficulty expressing. . . . especially to the intended person.

5. What is worse - physical, mental or cyber cheating?
None of it is pleasant or ideal or anticipated, but mental (read: emotional) cheating is the most damaging/difficult to recover from in my opinion.

Bonus (as in optional): The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person's sexual history or episodes of their sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Where are you - TODAY - on the scale?
Zero. Unlike Callie, I meant it when I say "I am a HUGE fan of penis!"

TMI Tuesday

2008-09-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

TMI Tuesday

2008-09-09T08:00:00.001-07:00

Two words: parallel lives

1. Describe the perfect date for YOURSELF... what you would enjoy most.
I had this conversation just a few minutes ago. Since I haven't had an "adult date", I'm open to almost anything. Whatever the date entails, I would want good, free-flowing conversation, laughter, good food and quality time doing a shared activity. I'm a simple gal.

2. Do you lean more toward being submissive or dominant?
I teeter between the two. I have no problem being submissive when we have a common goal. And then I might be dominant, just to make sure I get what I want.

3. What do you usually wear to bed?
Tee and panties/boy shorts/boxers

4. Have you ever seen a counselor?
Not recently

5. Lights on or off?
No matter. I'm not focusing on the lights.

Bonus: Have you or a partner ever faked an orgasm?
Quite difficult for a man to do that. I haven't faked. I'd rather stop or take over.

TMI Tuesday

2008-09-02T07:30:00.001-07:00

Because it's Tuesday of course! And I need to something to do while I run this report. . . Yes, I'm TMIing at work.

TMI Tuesday #150
1. When was the last time someone hit on you? What went down?
Sunday. Not a damn thing. He is married and just joking (well I'm not taking him seriously) and she was a lesbian (not even an option.)

2. If you were single and could be with any one person, who would it be (thinking singer/actor or someone famous here, but whatever)?
I am single and the "whatever" person just needs to clear his damn calendar! (am I angry? lol) But I digress. Will Smith but Jada must stay home. Morris Chestnut and Jaime Foxx (individually) but only so I can lay my head on their chest after. I have a thing for broad chests.

3. Have you ever had done anything sexual in your office or your place of employment?
Not while I was employed there and that's ALL I'mma say about that!

4. Do you apologize when you make a mistake? How do you react when someone calls you out?
Usually. I've been a big girl about that lately. If I'm called out and it's reasonable, I'll put up a bit of a defensive/explanation, but I end up apologizing, trying to get the other person to see my point and making up someway. I'm not above being wrong. Just doesn't happen that often *smirk*

5. Top or bottom? Bonus (as in optional):
If the bottom is the bottom I think you mean, not thanks. If the bottom is the bottom I'm thinking, depends on my mood. Rest assured I'd top at some course of the event.

Bonus: How old were you when you first had a willing sexual experience?
17. A few months shy of 18. I made my decision. Took a week to actually act on it. And shocked the mess outta him. LMAO good times.

Wednesday Weirdness

2008-08-27T06:32:00.001-07:00

1. How often do you talk to your siblings?
The bio, whenever he wants to ask for a ride or borrow 37 cents. The sisters: one everyday all day, the others often enough.

2. How well do you deal when given an ultimatum?
Dunno. Don't remember being given one. But if it's grounded in reality, I'll weigh it.

3. Have you ever dated someone or had a lover who had an emotional or mental disorder?
Lol. Undiagnosed bipolar, depression, something was up. Wish him the best, but that's her issue now.

4. How do you feel about crossdressing?
I can wear HIS tie, but he CANNOT wear my wrap dress no matter how flattering the cut may be.

5. Have you ever lied about the number of sexual partners you have had to someone? Why?
No. Never had to. That's one thing I believe in full disclosure about. You don't get to play with MY health. Straight talk makes for straight understanding.

6. Does your significant other have the same political and religious views that you do? How often do you discuss politics and religion with them?
My significant buddies tend to fall within the range. They make take a slight left when I go straight but we respect each other's views.

7. What sport, if any, do you find to be most boring?
Golf. Never watched it but it just sounds boring and stupid.

8. Have you ever honestly peed in the pool?
Yes.

TMI Tuesday

2008-08-26T11:54:00.001-07:00

You find a fairy. With a wave of their wand they can change anything for you.

What is the one thing you would change about your body?
The belly. Either put a baby in it or get it off of me! lol

What is the one personality trait you would change?
My assertiveness. But I'm working on that.

What is the one thing about your job you would change?
Increase the salary, which would include expensing my parking.

What is the one thing about your home you would change?
I'd have my own beautifully decorated something to call my own where I would feel safe and secure and build my family home or use as rental income when me and the hubby trade up our family home.

What is the one thing about your Significant Other you would change?
His existence. I'd BRING him into manifested existence in my life. lol

Who is the one person you would poof out of your life and why?
He's gone. Lesson learned.

Who is the one person you would poof back in and why?
My buddy. To tell him how much I appreciated him holding me down back in the day. He shared my heavy with me. Too bad his wife thinks I'm a threat. Sweetheart, I ASSURE you I'm not. lol

Wednesday Weirdness - Because I'm Procrastinating. . .

2008-08-20T14:03:00.001-07:00

1. You just bought a snazzy new leather jacket for an awesome price at the local outlet shop. When you got it home you found $2000 (cash) in the jacket's inner pocket. What are you going to do?
Keep it. I bought the jacket and it's contents! Then I'd pay for my St. Lucia trip outright and put the rest in a 6 month CD to be taken out and added to the rest of my spending money!

2. If you could change or eliminate one wedding tradition, what would it be? What is your favorite wedding tradition?
I dunno how traditional it is, but the little boy that runs around ringing the bell and screaming "the bride is coming. the bride is coming." Who is he? Paul Revere? Not having that at my wedding. My favorite wedding tradition is the committed, loving, healthy marriage part.

3. If you were on Gilligan’s Island, who would you want to share your hut with? Who would you consider it torture to have to share a hut with?
Seeing how I've never really watched the show I can't really say. But I would guess my sistas because the jokes won't stop and when they do, they can take they asses and sit in a tree (lol) and an available attractive man because who wants to be stranded with a bunch of estrogen carriers? lol

4. Have you ever called your current significant other by another name at any point? What happened?
I have no current. But I don't think I've called my exes by another's name to them. Maybe in conversation with someone else . . . So nothing happened.

5. If you were going to be famous under a stage name, what would you pick your stage name to be? Why? What do you want to be famous doing?
Rebecca Amanda Armstrong. I dunno why. It's been my pseudonym since 96. But I don't want to be famous. No scratch that. Fame might be okay. I don't want to be a celebrity.

6. During sex, do you ever fantasize about someone other than your partner?
Never had a reason to . . .

7. Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?
Too quiet. I can usually tune out noise and loudness. Hard to tune out quiet and silence.

Wednesday Weirdness - Take 2

2008-08-13T19:37:00.001-07:00

Because it's Wednesday night and I'm bored.

1. Would you rather be 3 inches taller, or 3 inches shorter than you already are?
3 inches taller would make me 5'11 flat footed and 6'2 in heels. I already have a hard time finding dudes that are tall enough. Shorter definitely shorter.

2. What are 3 words that could never be used to describe you?
hateful. ostentatious/look at me. unfeeling/apathetic.

3. Have you ever eaten something at the grocery store while you were shopping, prior to buying it? Did you pay for it when you got to the check out line?
Yep. Soda. I was thirsty.

4. If you could have any 3 materialistic things in this world without paying a single cent for any of them, what would they be and why?
an iPod touch with the largest capacity (because I need more space), my 09/10 navy Camry with gray or beige interior (bc Toyotas are great on gas), a beautifully decorated 4 bedroom house with an in-ground pool on LI?

5. Have you ever fallen asleep or nodded off during sex before?
Yes. I put myself to sleep.

6. What are 3 jobs you’d leave your current job for? If you don't have a current job, just list 3 jobs you would like to have.
motherhood, teaching, my own biz

7. Do you or have you ever answered the phone during sex?
No, but I encouraged him to answer a few times. Funny, funny mess.

Wednesday Weirdness - The Ex Files

2008-08-13T19:21:00.001-07:00

Wednesday Weirdness, The Ex Files

1. When your relationships end, are you the instigator of the breakup or the recipient?
The last one I was the instigator. Took a while but I did it.

2. Do you save things from your ex, or get rid of them? If you save them, how? If you trash them, how?
I still have the letters I wrote him. A couple of tee shirts I sleep in. A picture of him as a child and a picture for the first night we met. I wish I kept my first ex's HS jersey - but it meant so much to him, I gave it back.

3. Describe your favorite ex?
Lol this sounds like such an oxymoron to me. But my favorite ex is hands down my first bf. He is/was my best friend (I always get confused as to what tense to use. We don't speak any more but that doesn't change the friendship and love we once shared). We could talk about anything. We encouraged each other and sincerely wanted the best for each other even if we couldn't be that best. We supported each other. The quality time was outstanding.

4. Do you consider a friend's ex off limits?
As a rule yes. But if anything should develop always ask your friend first.

5. Have you ever had sex with an ex? Why?
Simply put, something to do, habit, rehashing old memories, reconnecting.

6. If you had a choice between spending the rest of your life with your worst ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend, or your HS Nemesis, who would you choose?
I didn't have a high school nemesis so that choice is clear. My worst ex isn't a bad person altogether, he just sucked the big one as a relationship partner.

7. Would you ever create a YouTube video or a website celebrating your exes' flaws?
No. He already did that. He's the jack of all trades, master of none. He is indecisive and unfocused. He's great at whatever he's focused on but his attention gets drawn in too many directions. But you didn't ask all that did you?

TMI Tuesday

2008-07-28T20:56:00.001-07:00

This is a tribute to the late great George Carlin.

1. What is your language pet peeve? (example 'hot water heater', why would you heat hot water) Conversate is one of my favorite language pet peeves. Makes me cringe. And the saying on tomorrow. Or the party was on yesterday. Why can't we just say the day?

2. What is your favorite word? Both dirty and clean?
Onomatopoeia (because I knew what an onomatopoeia was and how to spell in, I got to write it on the board in my 7th grade English class. RIP Mr. Morris). My dirty word, MF. It's a powerful word, I only pull out if necessary. And you have to hit the right stress for the right emphasis.

3. What is the one word you cannot spell?
It's not that I can't spell it, I type it wrong about 90% of the time. I type sent when I mean send.

4. What is the one word you always pronounce wrong?
Statistics. I stumble over the syllables. Oh, and syllabification. I never said that word in grammar class. Got an A though!

5. If you could erase one popular catchphrase from the English language, what would it be?
I'm making moves. Or I gotta make moves. Oh shut up already. You ain't moved nothing (see below).

Bonus (as in optional): The late, and very hot Michael Hutchence (INXS) once sang, "Words are weapons, sharper than knives". What is the most hurtful thing you have ever said to anyone? Was it deliberate or accidental? What was the most hurtful thing ever said to you? Do you think it was deliberate or accidental?
I told him he don't deserve ish because he was an ain't ish nigga and insulted the size of his endowment. It was quick-fired but deliberate. Both statements were true but the latter was just for effect. His endowment was alright with me!

The most hurtful thing said to me wasn't a particular phrase. It was just the questions that sounded like they doubted the veracity (truth) of what happened to me. Just because I didn't fall apart on cue or didn't respond like the scripted Benson and Stabler.

48 Hours Later

2008-07-17T17:20:00.000-07:00

Something I got from TMI Tuesday.

1. What were you known as in HS (Jock, Princess, Geek)?The girl who cut half of junior/senior year bc she didn't like Ms. Johnson

2. What were you really? The girl who cut half of junior/senior year bc I had too much on my mind.

3. If you could go back and tell your 16 year old self one thing, what would it be?

It's okay to blend your school, church and block friends. Oh and he's wack.

4. If you could erase one moment from your school days what would it be? I would erase the moment I walked him to his car.

5. Who did you not date (or more) that you wish you did? I only had eyes for BW. Ah teenage love.

Bonus (as in optional): If you went to prom, describe your outfit.

The split split higher getting in the limo and SW kept feeling up my thigh in a feeble attempt to fix the wardrobe malfunction.