The Countdown

i decided to drop a prospective meme here since i did a retrospective one on the other. besides this meme needs room to breathe. . . .

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people:
- you made the right decision for all the wrong reasons.
- i think they were right; you are jealous of me.
- i think they were right; i was jealous of what you tricked me into believing you had with her.
- if i told you the hows and whys that might be too much. enough to change the landscape of who i am, and therefore who we are.
- i hate that i have to share a family tree with you considering how much you effed up my childhood.
- you don't have to sit on every erect man you encounter.
- i love you more than you know.
- i'm sorry that ring didn't make you happy.
- i was faking.
- i don't respect her game. dunno why you picked that hoodrat. suffer through that decision.

9 things about yourself:
- my feet are usually the coldest things on my body
- i have premonitions and deja vus. scares the mess outta me sometimes.
- i have to work through some sexual hangups.
- i've been using my full name since the 4th grade.
- my parents got married 15 months after i was born.
- i'm more afraid of myself than i let on.
- i am a mushy, emotional, cornball
- i am determined to have the first healthy marriage in my family. very doable since i'm foolish enough to break the cycle.
- i can detach myself from my body and go into functional shock mode. a dangerously handy trick i picked up during my childhood.

8 ways to win your heart:
- be genuine.
- show me your heart when i show you mine.
- make me smile when tears drown my heart.
- be silly.
- show me you're capable of love
- see ME beyond the curves and the 5 letter bra size
- lead me. support me. inspire me. motivate me. improve with me.
- know when a situation calls for a fight, a hug, a tough, space or a prayer. and do all 5.

7 things that cross your mind often:
- okay, now what?
- who is gonna have my chocolately baby girl for me?
- where's the damn reciprocity?!?!
- why are you so afraid of succeeding?
- am I fired yet?
- what is your purpose in my life (now)?
- is there something wrong with me?
(as you can see, they are all questions with answers that change like the wind)

6 things you do before you go to sleep:
- check my blog roll.
- wrap my hair.
- set the sleep timer on the tv
- play a game on my BB
- decide who/what i want to focus on before i go to bed (gotta steer my dreams sometimes. wink, wink)
- read the latest overheard in new york posts

5 people you couldn't live without:
- my mother
- my sister
- my church fam (closer than my real family in many ways)
- (damn how sad is it that im stuck here?) my father's mother (and her quite strength, resilience and faith in God)
- ummmm . . . the voices in my head. does that count if i name them and/or attribute them to real people?

4 things you're wearing right now:
- headscarf
- tee shirt
- shorts
- ummmm . . . a smile (i was reaching with the scarf lol)

3 songs that fit your life perfectly:
(changes depending on what's on the ipod)
- someone - musiq
- her heart - anthony hamilton
- butterflies - raheem devaughn

2 things you want to do before you die:
- be a mommy (and all the love, joy and beauty that brings)
- be a grandmommy (and all the legacy of love, joy and beauty that continues)

1 confession:
- i would have . . . still would